Have you ever had a time when you felt stuck not knowing what to do? You had no one to turn to that you thought would understand. That would even take the time to without dismissing your pain. A time when friends prove their loyalty and others their worth. It’s a part of the struggle when bridges are either made stronger or burned to the ground. Where you learn more about yourself and how strong you really are. If you can actually handle all the responsibility of your healing process on your own or if you need that helping hand.
I’ve been through some things in my almost 40 years of life. One thing I’ve noticed is that people will show you who they truly are when there’s a crisis. Whether it’s a matter of the heart, a serious health scare, a mental disruption, or a lack in family structure we have to learn how to grow from these life pauses. People can’t expect you to stay the same forever and never give you the opportunity to change. Holding grudges and not being able to express the hurt they felt while going through this temporary life bump. They are so consumed by their pain they refuse to believe it’s different this time around.
Going through my own struggles vs being supportive during someone else’s is a lesson in itself. I didn’t have much support or understanding so my journey was a solo one. My life is mostly made of judgments and assumptions based off of what others think they know about me instead of taking the time to actually know me. People project onto me the anger and resentment they had towards someone else that set the stage before me. I end up catching all those misplaced feelings. I’ve said it many times and will continue until folks get it. “Hurt people…..hurt people and messed up people….mess people up!” But deciding to be a caregiver to someone that is on the edge, that lost hope, was completely alone in their situation, and had nothing but toxicity around them making a little problem into a huge problem, shows you truly care about another person’s wellbeing.
I couldn’t watch someone I loved be constantly reminded that while in their pain, so many mistakes were made and that so called friends weren’t adult enough to forgive and move on. I hated that they were judged on how they chose to fix their current state and how long it took them to get finished. Being on the world’s timeline, being told it’s too late. It’s never too late to turn things around for the better. Healing takes time and for some, longer than expected. Without acknowledgement that now you’re the best version of yourself and have finally put yourself first, you can’t care for others. It wasn’t planned this way, life just happens this way sometimes.
There’s always an opportunity to start over. We just have to be willing to take that chance and also allow others to. Can’t say “just get over it” every time you don’t want to face things head on. Communication is the key to everything! If we communicate how we feel, how we’ve been effected, how we would like to go about fixing the problem, accepting the assistance that comes with taking the blinders off to the problem etc. so many issues could be resolved and relationships salvageable. But you got to be a grown up about it. Immature childish behavior isn’t the answer to adult situations.
I get it, you’re scared to step up, admit there’s a problem and set things right. It’s a process! It’s also a choice to be there for others even if their circumstances don’t mesh with yours or their struggle suddenly becomes yours. Maybe you’re being tested to see how much you really care, how selfish or selfless you really are. If you can’t take the time, a second to listen and understand outside of your own biases and perspectives to not be all up in your feelings, what kind of person are you? Are you hearing or just listening? Do you care or just stand by watching? Do you forgive or hold onto unresolved anger? Are your own personal feelings more important than supporting others on this complicated thing called life? Look if stepping up is too hard then do yourself and that person in need a favor…….step off!