For years I’ve wrote about my experiences as a single woman trying to find love in this world of limited opportunities. I had stopped believing love was real and that my circumstances would change. I’m darn near 40 and can’t say I have one memorable experience with the male species. None of my relationships or dating situations ended well. Actually they didn’t begin all that great either. But I FINALLY can say, after all the heartbreak, pain, disappointment, betrayal and the negatively traumatizing events I’ve endured, I found my soulmate.

Let me explain, I’m never looking for anyone point blank period. I don’t go out of my way to get a man because I’m not desperate like that. They all come to and for me and they always try to come back after I’m gone. Not saying I’m really attractive though many think I am. But it’s not hard to attract just anyone. I wanted to attract more promising mates but I needed to be with what I don’t want to know what I do want.

So taking you back to the beginning when we first met which was the 5th grade. We went to school together all the way through high school. We danced together at the 8th grade dance. That was our first experience dancing with anyone. We were supposed to go to Prom together but that’s another story. We graduated high school together as well. And in college we were the same major though we were at different schools. It was written in my yearbook a confession of love. Now he teased me horribly okay to the point I couldn’t stand him but he explained in my yearbook why he resorted to such behavior to express his true feelings for me. Others also predicted our union since we were ten years old. So it was put out there in the universe already and just needed to come full circle around.

We lived our lives never thinking for a second that it was us that we were meant to be with. Then we connected like we were never apart. Just picked up from where we last seen each other and left off. We didn’t know we could make each other this happy. Happier than anyone else could or that we’ve ever experienced. That’s God! I’m tired of people hating on what God brought about. Others had their chance and they blew it. Don’t be mad because I didn’t end up in a situation that repositions me in his life below you. You earn the right to be in someone’s heart and to have their undivided attention. It’s not my fault they couldn’t be me and mean what I do to him. That’s like me being mad at my past for getting it wrong every time. Umm no! I thank them because if they didn’t get it wrong for so long I wouldn’t know what right looked like. I wouldn’t appreciate how good it felt when it was right because I wouldn’t know how to recognize it. That saying really does hold true. ” You don’t know a good thing until it’s gone.” It’s not my fault they’re realizing that now, after the fact. A part they could never appreciate enough to bring out in him. That good in him, maybe because they weren’t good for him. Real recognizes real and good brings forth the good from within.

We were advised to just be happy. Forget everybody else that isn’t in our corner or sprinkling positivity on us. Because we are happy and I will be damned if I let anyone take, dictate or destroy that happiness. We both been through way too much to not deserve this moment now. You can hate, that’s what y’all like to do but don’t for a second think you can cross lines. I’m not just any girl but I am that girl. I didn’t just pop on the scene, I’ve been in the background all along. I’m not some stranger he had to get to know, my presence is known. Don’t use me as an excuse or reason for your jealousy and bitterness. I’m too grown and don’t have time for it. No one does!

How about going and finding your own love. The person who is right for you instead of consistently repeating the same mistake of trying to make a temporary person permanent. Giving boyfriends and girlfriends husband and wife benefits. If you focus on your own you won’t have time to be worrying about mine. This article we read talks about the 3 loves we have in life. You have to figure out which one you are if you’re not the final, entire, true love. Don’t waste precious time pretending and forcing yourself to be what you’re not and will never be.

What it all really comes down to, is whether we focus ourselves on how we love, or how much we love. We can choose to remain with our first love, the one that looks good on the outside and pleases others. We can choose to remain with our second love, under the pretence that, if we don’t have to fight for it, it’s not worth having. Or ultimately, we can choose to wait for our third and true love. Elephantjournal.com

I prayed for this. This was a long time coming and well overdue. Heart desires being provided as life reality. Everyone in both of our lives are feeling to love too. When it’s right everything falls into place as it should and our past doesn’t affect us anymore. We wish we knew we were the one before so that the trauma we endured wouldn’t have been so damaging but it made us stronger and more appreciative of the journey to get here. This is where we were meant to be at this time in our lives. I’ve said before that not everyone is supposed to share the same experience or process. It varies in age but the result is always the same, you know what love is. Love is just a word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning – Unknown



“Don’t let messed up people mess you up. Hurting people hurt other people. Don’t base your value on the lies of people. Don’t spend your life trying to get something from people that they can not give. You don’t need their approval. You’re a masterpiece! Your value doesn’t come from people……..it comes from your creator.” Joel Osteen

I quote Joel Osteen very often because I swear he preaches exactly what I need to hear every Sunday. I used to question my value because of the rejection. I experienced rejection most of my life from just about everyone. I knew I had a lot to offer but no one who wanted to believe I did or who actually wanted what I was offering. I felt like I had to prove myself to people who do not matter. Show them that their opinions aren’t needed when it was my life that was in question and when God put in my heart that I was more than what they were reducing me to. They are so irrelevant yet I made them relevant. With all the disappointments that happen in life, it had stolen my joy and my sense of value at times. You can’t present yourself as valuable to anyone if you can’t see the value in yourself. How can someone be happy when the haters won’t stop hating? We tend to believe that we should be ashamed of the rejection and memorable pain that comes with it. Never be ashamed of your scars. They are proof that God heals and pain goes away. (Lamentations 3:22,23)

My love life is the worst. I go through guys, yes guys not men, like tissues. I had always believed in fairy tales and that I would one day get my happily ever after but with all the slim pickings it’s very hard. There’s no such thing as “Happily Ever After” so don’t get your hopes up. You’re lucky if you can even get happy. Be in my shoes and know what I’m going through. That’s what I would tell myself often. There’s nothing wrong with growing up and giving up on fairy tales and getting with the reality of things. Prince Charming today is broke ya’ll, ain’t got no job in the kingdom, might still live in his parent’s castle and his carriage is in his baby mama’s name if he has one at all. I’m just saying that my eyes were opened to some real things and those things don’t necessarily fall into fairy tale ideal so I stopped looking for that ever after and accepted that I just need to focus on the happy part. Fairy tales ain’t for everyone and I’m not mad if u still believe….do you!

I was advised that I would have to kiss a lot of frogs before I found a Prince anyway. I’m still wondering how many times I’m going to be stuck with warts though. I also am tired of these low life guys trying to bring me down to their levels. They have nothing going for themselves, lie, cheat and steal from me yet find the time to further disrespect me. Call me out of my name and make me feel like I’m not worthy. I’m not an after thought or a second choice. I deserve better! But for some reason these fools have been determining or horribly affecting my value. My scars aren’t quite healed yet so that might be why I can’t seem to attract someone that would be of better quality. Regardless of the projects I was stuck with I still managed to keep some hope alive that love is real. I need to know that it’s real so that my reality can be more like my dreams.

I believe that love is very powerful and can change the dynamic of any situation. Yes I’ve mentioned before that I don’t really know love yet but I know what it isn’t. I know it will heal me and bring about an awareness about myself that I never considered before. I know that God has heard my prayers and the desires of my heart that one day my Prince will come. It might even be a ‘happily-ever-after’ fairy tale ending, who knows. But what I do know is that I’m worthy of it. I deserve it because I’ve been through it. Never again will I allow another to keep my dream from becoming a reality or distorting the image I have of myself due to their messed up logic. Their messed up words, morals, values and treatment. Their messed up world, messed up lives that they negatively project onto me.
Life will try to make you feel like you’re not worthy. All through the day, despite what thoughts are telling you, despite who left you out, despite who said you weren’t good enough you have to remind yourself, “I am worthy, I am a masterpiece, I am wonderfully made.” Don’t discount what God has created. Don’t go around feeling ordinary when in fact you are extraordinary. Joel Osteen