What is love? (Part 1)

I had given up. I really didn’t believe that I’ll ever have love in this lifetime. The slim pickings out here and the level of asshole these guys are on, there’s no point in trying. I swear if one more person asks me about online dating I’m going to scream. I did it for 5 years, years I will never get back and I wrote a blog post about it called “Computer Love.” I’m traumatized! Been there, done that, didn’t like it and will never revisit again. You can’t pay me enough to subject myself to that torture OMG! Yes it works for a lot of people and I’m happy for them. It ain’t for everyone okay. One day you’ll laugh so much that you’ll forget you have scars ~ Benjamin Griss

I thought maybe meeting someone the old fashioned way like at church, work or a store would happen and no we were still at square one. I don’t meet anyone anywhere period. I’m not into singles scenes either and I don’t drink. Don’t judge me, did you have cancer? Umm no so have several seats. I don’t like mixing alcohol with my cancer meds. Sorry for being a responsible person. Not taking that chance. And I can have fun without it unlike many people but I wouldn’t judge any guy who does drink as long as they aren’t an alcoholic in denial like one dude I dated. Same thing with sex, all the addicts that can’t hold an intellectual conversation and only want to talk to me as a prospect can take a hard left because I’m not that kind of girl. Despite my appearance I have more to offer and bring to the table. If she has a job, her own car, pays her bills, and manages to live comfortably before she meets you, understand that she wants loyalty, not your money. She can finance herself.

I like a shy, kind and intelligent man. I also like athletic, God fearing men. What I used to get was the complete opposite unfortunately. Why? It was like I’m a magnet for them or something. Like they saw me as some kind of prey that they just want to damage. I don’t settle anymore nor do I change so I become less desirable to those men. That would be fine if it allowed better potential suitors to get my attention but it didn’t. It actually made me invisible and judged by those who have found their mates before me. I don’t control the attraction or lack there of. No matter how good your heart is, eventually you have to start treating people the way they treat you….

I’m trying to get my life back to normal and not let these fools, break me. I’m too good a woman to allow these low life guys to treat me like I’m nothing. I’m something alright, they don’t deserve! The struggle is real: Wish others knew this and wouldn’t say such insensitive things to those who are still single. God just gave us more patience and strength to get to our partners in life. Our journeys aren’t meant to be the same. Some are a little harder and take a little longer than others. Being single isn’t always a choice but whether it is or not, respect it regardless. God had me waiting so I had to wait end of story. You didn’t have to, ok good for you. God just has a greater blessing for me! Like my friend said:

My heart has hardened over the years, but not as stone or ice, but like a muscle that has been worked and trained to an Olympic athletic level. It has gotten tougher, but tougher as it has been calloused from exposure to threats to it over and over again, yet survived. Yes, my heart has been hardened, but with that I love and care harder and deeper as well ~ J. Howard

In a generation of people who want to be heartless, savages and empty of feelings, it’ll be hard to find someone who is what you need, but do not become like the world. Be loyal, be truthful, be emotional, be full of feelings, be hungry for love, be thirsty for affection and anything else human beings ought to desire. Let them be foolish and cold. Don’t dim your light to become as dark as they are.

The most important lesson I’ve learned over this past year is, don’t let anybody make you cruel. No matter how badly you want to give the world a taste of its own bitter medicine, it is never worth losing yourself.

What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me no more!

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