The Vert

You hear and read about cuffing season and it’s basically depressing for us uncuffed people. Here in Jersey we have had four Nor’easters in a row. The fourth being on the first day of Spring. So that’s extra opportunity to be with someone. You know cuddle and get warm. But for some of us it’s just not feasible.

I have these flannel sheets, fleece pj pants, fleece socks and a fleece blanket that could replace any man trust me. But why is it necessary for us to get left out? I mean I don’t need a man to be warm and being the Ambivert that I am I really don’t mind being alone sometimes.

Ambivert: a person whose personality has a balance of extrovert and introvert features.

“I’m both extrovert and introvert. I like people, but I need to be alone. I’ll go out, vibe, and meet new people but it has an expiration, because I have to recharge. If I don’t find the valuable alone time I need to recharge I cannot be my highest self.” ~ Sylvester McNutt III

Like I just had a birthday, not one of the milestone ones but still important to me. People tend to forget that I almost didn’t have birthdays anymore. I never was able to plan celebrations and have everyone I invited actually show. It’s not a surprise to me that people will bail at the last possible minute with the lamest excuse or basically because they don’t care to be there. Just like folks will never invite you to anything ever but catch feelings if you don’t invite them to one thing you’re trying to do. Or they plan something for you yet forget to inform you it’s now canceled. This year was so extra with the amount of selfishness that folks exuded. Like must you try to change my plans so that they suit you and are more convenient for you. Who does that on someone’s birthday? Apparently people I know smh. So since I couldn’t do what I wanted to do for the day of my birth I spent it by myself at home. It’s not a problem really. I have my usual moment and then I’m over it. Figured that celebrating is too much work and that I’ll just do something low key with a couple of people, that’s it.

Sometimes I want to be around crowds and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I want companionship and sometimes I don’t want to be bothered. Sometimes I want to be out and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I want to be me and sometimes I don’t because I don’t know where I fit in. If they can’t control you or get you to conform they reject you and make you feel like an outsider or a freak.

I could be called a Freak: A person who is envied cause they are a fabulously unique individual that can kick ass and has no need or desire to follow the flock! I mean if you only knew what I’ve been through it makes perfect sense that I have more of a leader mentality than a follower. So even though most people want and like to be out there running the streets, I prefer to stay in. I feel that people treat me like an afterthought because I’m so different from them. That’s fine, I know I’m a good kind of different that doesn’t need to fit into their warped little boxes of mediocrity. There’s a reason I stand out, I’m meant to! That makes others uneasy so they hate and want to know what makes me so different. Well I’m an Ambivert and I don’t conform. When they say you’re “too short, too tall, too thin, too thick, too….something” you respond “you’re too about me, too jealous, have too much time on your hands and are too much in my business. You’re just mad because I’m too good for you, too high above you, too focused to acknowledge you and too strong to be bothered with your nonsense!”

So sometimes it’s got to be like that. It’s not intro or extro it’s both. It’s an ambi thing and not about your vert.