Gracias

Thanksgiving is that time when people want to give thanks and be thanful but shouldn’t it happen all year long? Shouldn’t you be thankful for life in general? I know I am.

As weird as it sounds, I’m thankful for cancer. If it wasn’t for it I wouldn’t have had the ability to see the real from the fake, be strong enough to not allow or tolerate bs anymore, and be brave enough to raise my standards to finally find a good man for once. Yes it’s a horrible disease that takes the lives of many but those that survived it gave us new life, a changed life for the better. God put me through it because he knew I needed it. I was weak, putting up with ridiculous nonsense and allowing things I shouldn’t to affect my progress. You get comfortable with how things are but refuse to step out on faith to experience things for how they should be because it’s too different. I went from relying on others to being able to rely on myself. There ain’t nothing like turning into a superhero and being able to handle anything and everything like a beast.

Growth comes with change. Life comes with change. Folks can’t stay stagnant waiting for blessings moving forward if you’re not actually moving forward. I was upset at first for being plagued with the Big C but now that I understand the reasoning behind it I’m good. It connects people that would never be connected outside of it. It creates relation so others don’t feel alone in this fight. Sometimes it brings love that blossomed from hardened soil. I makes it easy to weed out the toxicity because people show their true colors in a different light. From a negative a positive can present itself. From the bad you can experience some good. There’s a calm after the storm.

So I’m thankful for life, for breath, for support, for clarity, for love, for patience¬† for strength, for closure, for the blessings after, for time, for the newness, for being able to enjoy a another day. Sometimes the after, not the before or the during is the opportunity to really think about being thankful for it all because without any of it you may not be who, what or where you are right now. In whatever language you can, say thanks!

Warrior

I’m back!!! I tried something new for a moment (6 posts) thinking it was better for me to reinvent myself but it didn’t go as planned. I prefer writing about my life experiences so that I can relate, influence, encourage, support, inspire, hey may even aggravate some people. The point is writing is how I express myself and vent of course. If I don’t vent my nerves get the best of me, anxiety ensues and I freak out. We don’t need all that! I missed being me, just keeping it real and helping people get through these challenges in life. Folks really appreciate my brand of sarcasm instead of me trying to conform. Because I don’t conform!

So what does it mean to be a warrior? Pretty much fighting for survival whether it’s during a treatment for a disease or illness, getting through life’s struggles and surprise bumps in the road or reality in general. Life causes us to become warriors sometimes. I’m a “beauty warrior” because I fought my way through breast cancer not fearing anything during or after and the fact that people constantly call me beautiful on a daily basis that literally drives me crazy. I don’t know why they do or why it does but instead of arguing I just go with it.

I chose this title since right now I’m battling with who I was, who I am and who I want to be. The Big C will have you conflicted for awhile trying to figure out which version of yourself works best for you. That’s a decision I’m still making. When so-called friends abuse the position and give you lame excuses for not being a good friend in the first place, that affects things. When your career goals alter so that you now have options you didn’t have before or an unexpected love appears out of nowhere for the first time in your life and you finally know what happiness is, it affects everything. The life changes cause confusion as to what is the right thing to do or say. One decision could change your life forever. To some that’s scary but I’m not afraid of anything. Fear was a crippling part of my life for way too long. If it wasn’t for cancer I wouldn’t be this strong badass you see today. When you face something bigger than your tiny fears it builds strength in you. If you let fear continue to take priority everything else in life becomes secondary or dead last.

People like to remind me of things. How I’m so strong, so fearless, so accomplished,  so intelligent, so caring, so beautiful, so talented, so blessed. But that came with time and almost 40yrs of experience. I know who I was pre-cancer (I miss that version) who I became during cancer (the strongest version of myself that I never knew existed) and who I am post-cancer (a warrior still learning to live a whole new life when the fight is over). All three can not co-exist so a choice has to made as to how much you let affect. Most distractions, toxic beings and negative influences are non-factors to me. I pray for your strength as well as my own in this world because the struggle is too real. People really don’t know the difference between weak and strong. It’s not always a physical characteristic. It’s sometimes your character altogether. Sometimes it’s your mentality when faced with adversity or a personality trait. It’s how you treat others, view others and how you treat yourself. We all can see, hear and feel the difference. You can’t pretend to be something you’re not. I didn’t know I was strong or could be stronger until cancer. I was on the weaker side of the spectrum because I cared too much about the feelings of others. Now I don’t care what anyone thinks. God, prayer and my Wonder Woman persona got me through, not you or your ignorant opinions.

I know who I am……a Goddess! Strong, beautiful, Pink Warrior. Ask yourself are you a warrior? If not, what are you?