It’s A Shame

What has become of society that now women are to feel bad about things they can’t control, were naturally blessed with and actually should be proud of? Are we not to have assets? I thought assets were extra benefits to an already great package. Now we’re being picked apart piece by piece because there’s a double standard in place to not accept women as a whole but to examine and judge us by our parts. Like I just got body shamed and I’m feeling some kind of way about it.

We don’t ask to be short, tall, thick, thin, dark, light, to have a large butt or big boobs or small butts and boobs. If we’re comfortable being who we are then why is it so hard to just be ourselves? There’s enough bullying going on among kids and now it’s happening with adults. Shaming has become this cruel way to abide by that saying “misery loves company.” See if you love yourself yet someone else isn’t a fan, instead of just worrying about yourself you try to make that person feel the way you do about them. I’m sorry I know I’m not every guy’s cup of tea but I’ll be damned if some random chick that doesn’t know or live my life tries to make me feel ashamed about anything I have endured in my life. Someone once attempted to shame me about having cancer. I’m like “you never had it so how dare you try to tell me how I should feel about it and how it’s affecting my life? Kick Rocks!?” There have been guys that shamed me for being dark skinned instead of light. Uhh last I checked I don’t control that. God made my lovely natural tan that so many spend countless hours and waste money to acquire a fake version of. But somehow the faux tone is more appealing, more attractive and less threatening than the real. I’ve also been shamed for being short. Hey good things come in small packages, I’m fun size ok. I have no desire to be tall or taller than 5’3″ because I can date tall guys and not have to worry when I wear heels. When I was in college I was shamed for having natural hair instead of a relaxer or a straight weave. I personally don’t like straight hair plain and simple. I came in this world with curly hair and that’s how I’m leaving. I’m sorry that it wasn’t the in thing to do but for those that really know me know that I don’t conform and I’m the laziest person ever when it comes to hair care so God got it right when he gave me wash and just go hair. But you see now how everyone is trying to go natural all of a sudden. Just hopping on the bandwagon. Funny how the tides have turned, you want to be like me huh.

Now being thin most of my life was a serious issue. I got made fun of and bullied for having a fast metabolism and a thin frame. I’ve never worn a size zero in my life or weighed under 100 lbs. I didn’t have much of a butt or hips (curves) only huge boobs and a tiny hourglass waist. I wasn’t anorexic or malnourished looking (this chick loves herself some food) like some girls can be so what’s the big deal? Oh I know, it’s because I wasn’t a thick chick. I would go into stores looking for my size and have girls make rude comments about what size I’m looking for. Yes honey I said small and extra small is there a problem? I had a moment when I wore a size large yet it was disturbing to me. I was on medication that made me gain like 30 lbs. I had to replace my whole wardrobe from a size 7 to a size 12. I even gained weight during and after cancer. People made more of an issue about my appearance than I did. Some people acted as if I somehow controlled it therefore telling me I looked better with weight on me. Excuse me! That’s like saying I wasn’t attractive all along and for a couple years I finally got cute. Whatever, anyway, so back to the issue……..body shaming.

I can’t stand a jealous woman willing to put down another woman because they are too insecure in their own appearance. If I ask you what shoes go best with my outfit the response of “you look too sexy” shouldn’t come out of your mouth. I then ask how am I too sexy looking? “Oh well your outfit is form fitting and looks tight.” One I don’t wear tight clothes, it’s not comfortable. And two I’m not apologizing for wearing clothes that fit and are my actual size. What else you got? “Your outfit shows that you have a butt and hips.” Doesn’t everyone? So let me get this straight I don’t do cleavage or really short attire, I’m always completely covered yet stylish and somehow I’m offending you because I have what some would consider an attractive figure? And all you can give me is a bunch of bogus excuses and insults? Trick I beat cancer and I look damn good after. I’m a proud now size 4 pink survivor. You should be commending me for still being alive to share my testimony not being worried that men will check me out instead of you.

I’m not trying to be sexy or attract anyone. I dress for comfort and fit only. In high school I wore super baggy and over sized clothes but now I wear clothes that compliment my new curves. Folks can’t be happy that I finally have some self-confidence and accept the body God gave me. They focus too much on the fact that they aren’t where they want to be in their fitness goals or lack there of. Turning green envying instead of trying to get like me. I’m not going to pretend that I don’t look and feel good about myself for you. I’m not going to try to achieve society’s beauty standard that isn’t realistic or all inclusive of the many variations of beauty in this world. I don’t care what your size is, I only worry about my own. You should love the skin you’re in. It’s sad seeing women doing their jobs and being ridiculed for how their uniforms and attire fits their curves rather than how great they are at their jobs. Who are you to say they are dressed inappropriately? You’re only commenting because it offends you that they look how you wish you could look. So shaming becomes a thing, a thing that people do so they can feel good about themselves. Tear another woman down, yeah that will make you seem wonderful. It’s a shame that we can’t just aspire to be better human beings that accept the differences of others instead of trying to all be the same. I’m a one of a kind original and yes sometimes that makes me an outcast. I may not view myself as others do, I may have a certain shape that guys want to sexualize and women are jealous of but it all boils down to this: If I were you I’d wanna be me too!


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