This is my PSA for all those that came before that haven’t made it as far as wife yet. That didn’t have the same treatment as the others. Wasn’t cared that much about to go that extra mile for. That couldn’t get him to change for the better. That are straight green with envy and jealous that they weren’t worth the change to him.
Look I’ve been where you are, I’m still there. But I always wished the next (who normally gets the ring) better than what I had. I was lied to, cheated on and stolen from along with disrespected and unappreciated. I’ve had my fair share of hurt and pain that just seemed never ending. I’ve watched the next girl after me get the good treatment and good version of the man that was horrible to me. I was jealous and pissed that I went through so much BS as they lived happily ever after. The one thing I always told my exes was to be better for the next. I never wanted another woman to experience what I had and feel worthless like I did. You beat yourself up b/c you couldn’t get them to change their ways. You invested everything in them and the relationship to end up alone and broken. It wasn’t fair to watch the next girl come along and make it seem like it was so easy. But that’s how love works in some situations. You either continue the cycle of hurt or keep pushing forward in hopes of meeting the one that will change for you.
There’s always a moment in time when “the one” will just get sprung and act out of character b/c you do something to him that makes him want to be a better man. I have yet to meet the one that doesn’t have a problem that he’s willing to fix so that it doesn’t negatively affect my life as well as continue to hold his back from being equal to mine. How can two people come together and share a life if one’s life is on a level that can’t balance out the relationship as a whole? Two halves make a whole not one complete half and a jacked up half. So you just have to be patient for someone to get right for the right one, that considers you to be the right one. Not being a priority or even a factor in his life makes it hard to think that one day you could be the right one or even the one for someone. You feel irrelevant, replaceable.
What do you do? Stop lowering your standards hoping someone will finally meet them. Believe that there is someone that can rise to the challenge and surpass even your own expectations. Continue to view yourself as a catch, a rare jewel, a Queen, a good woman, highly of one’s self. If we think of ourselves like that man thinks of us we are devaluing ourselves to the point any piece of trash man on the street can think he has a chance at what’s clearly out of his league and over his budget. Don’t give up on love and the opportunity to experience it one day. Yes you’ve been patient as all hell to the point you have little to none left but keeping the faith and hope alive helps the waiting process. Some of us wait many years while others just a few moments. Don’t know how long the wait is b/c God created that timeline. Just try to roll with the punches and stay true to yourself during. Eventually it gets easier, well that’s what I’m told.
As you know I’m still single in my mid-thirties wondering if the cycle of the next girl getting the ring and getting the best man will finally come to a close. It’s very hard to accept that you’re in a place in life that you don’t want to be in as many like to make you feel bad about but you have no control over any of it. I just keep praying and of course keep my confidence up so that when my one comes along he knows exactly how priceless and extraordinary I am. It’s like this quote I recently saw and couldn’t agree more with.
“I do not apologize for wanting to be a wife and not just another girlfriend. If I continue to have a “girlfriend” mindset I will not grow, I will be stuck doing just about anything without a ring. I refuse to jump from relationship to relationship for just pointless feelings and wasted time. I refuse to lower my standards. I want a man I can challenge, who can challenge me and work to become each others ideal partner for life. I want something real and in God. And I refuse to give up my way of thinking. Can I Get An Amen?”
See if we as single women think any less than this we’ll be stuck between who we are, who we want to be and who we should be. We may not have had the opportunity to change him, inspire him, better him, challenge him or help him grow but we’re not sorry for the work we put in. We’re not sorry for the circumstance b/c it wasn’t a choice. We’re not sorry for the status we have held down for so long. We’re not sorry for our high standards that were too high for them to grasp. We’re not sorry for having the strength to endure the painful cycle of heartbreak. We’re not sorry for refusing to give up when others want you to believe you won’t have what they have b/c of your age and life struggle. We’re not sorry for having the courage to stick to the program until we reach the finish line, whenever that may be. We’re not sorry for the wasted time and energy we will never get back. We’re not sorry for the examples our exes have shown us of what we don’t want in a man and what we will never do again. We’re not sorry for the experience of being single and at a not so favorable age.
Live your life as you see fit. Learn from your life lessons without repetition. Upgrade your life to the level you choose for it to be on b/c there’s no rule that says life has to be like anyone or everyone else. Remember you’re cut from a different cloth…….and they don’t make that fabric anymore!