Hater-aid

I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life. Finally got something to look forward to that makes me smile and has me feeling like this is it. I’ve been through so much and waited patiently for so long. Yet just when you would think those that claim to care about you would be happy for you too, the hate begins.

Yes people get envious and jealous of things they can’t have or had and lost. Trust me I know the feeling. I had to watch most of my friends and family find love at younger ages than me and earlier in life than me. Most have between one and six kids when I’m still struggling with fertility issues from my lovely health condition that I’ve suffered with in chronic pain since I was eight. I just cried alone in my room and prayed that one day I too could be blessed to be a mother. I wouldn’t go as far as folks are doing to me though. Making racist ignorant comments about my interracial relationship, attacking my character within relationships like they would know how I am in a relationship vs being my usual single self and trying to downgrade my feelings about my relationship. Not everyone meets their other half the same way. Not every relationship works the same way. And depending on the time in life that they meet will determine the timing of everything. Granted if I was younger I would take a few years to develop something but I’m grown, been there done that, tired of it and ready to go already. I know what I want and if my man feels the same way then we’re off to a good start to our grown relationship. I hate that people compare. It’s like comparing parenting skills. That’s a no no! You do what’s best for you and your situation. The people involved are the only ones that know what’s best for them not these outsiders watching ready to judge.

It’s almost unfair b/c just as I’ve supported and embraced the moments in their lives you would expect them to show the same courtesy. Instead folks act as if you don’t deserve what you got. Like all the hell and trauma you went through to get to this point was pointless. Not only did I have to deal with countless assholes that lied, cheated, used and abused me for years I also battled cancer. Is that not enough? What else should I have had to endure to be deserving of a good job, a good man and the possibility of a good future? No one knows b/c they aren’t God yet swear that they are. I mind my business unless someone asks for my advice. Like stated before my name means “wise advisor and counselor” but I don’t always know first hand what I’m advising others about. I just have the ability to say the right encouraging, supporting and wise thing that someone needs to hear at that time. That’s just a skill so I unfortunately expect there to be someone with the same skill level to be kind enough to display some support for me.

Love doesn’t have a color, rules, nothing. So why is it that how I find my love and with whom I chose to have it with concern so many? My blackness shouldn’t threaten anything having to do with anyone. My success, achievements, appearance, past etc doesn’t define who I am. When my man looks at me he sees a woman. Not my race, shape or anything else. Just like I see a man, you’re either good or bad in my eyes. If I wasn’t color blind I would be as ignorant and racist (yeah I said it) as the people who view my relationship as a negative. Look if two people come together and can form a beautiful bond, promote love and create children out of that love, be happy that they were blessed to find each other. This world is so mixed that this whole stick to your own mentality is about to be extinct. But if you choose to stay with the delusion of hate as being the best way to deal with things, then drink up, get drunk and drown in that ish. You’re forcing your personal opinions and ignorant as hell nonfactual views on happy people. Yes misery loves company but ain’t no miserable people over here for you to buddy up with so take you and your bs to the left. Take a hard left!

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